Ever since Shreyas turned 1, we have been experiencing lot of changes. We have lived in 4 different cities, his dad travels a lot for work purposes, so sometimes we go to live with my in laws, sometimes with my parents, sometimes my mom or in laws comes and lives with us and so on. Me and my husband have always tried to ensure that despite all changes we give him some stability, like sticking to a routine everyday. Making sure he has friends and he meets them everyday at the play ground, bed time stories etc.
I’ve found out that Shreyas is really a routine person. Especially he loves the bed time stories, early morning cuddles and ensures that he gets it every single day. Another thing I’ve noticed about him is that, whenever someone leaves he feels bad only for a few minutes and immediately gets back to whatever he was doing. This kind of surprised me, because i thought he would be greatly upset and will be difficult to console and all. It also made me happy, thinking that he adjusts fast.
Now that we are having another baby he is very enthusiastic about it and keeps saying he is tired of waiting. But one thing which bothered me was that he was getting very scared of being alone in a room/place. He constantly wants someone near him. I’ve been getting very frustrated with him because of this and been lecturing him about being bold/ brave etc. Nothing has had any effect on him.
I discussed this with my friend about this and told her how frustrating it is getting for me because these days he doesn’t even let me go to the toilet for a few minutes, comes and stands in front of the door. In the nights he doesn’t want to sleep in his bed (in our room, but different bed) and if at all he sleeps in his bed he wants me to face him and lie down and not turn the other side. I caught myself telling myself that I wished he would change.
Later it suddenly struck me, who has to change here? what happened to the confident 4 year old boy? why has he suddenly become so insecure? What is it i am doing wrong? It also struck me that while putting a brave face in front of others, all these changes are actually affecting him.
We always expect our kids to behave well, be well disciplined, perform extremely well in all areas etc. Have we ever wondered about what we are doing? Are we doling everything right for the kids? To make them behave well, with discipline and confidence. A question i feel, we all should ask ourselves. I feel kids’ behavior reflect parents behavior and before we preach them about anything, we should preach ourselves. Also, so many times we act without thinking about the root cause of something. We just get angry about things that appear on the surface, while what we should be doing is understanding the actual reason behind something.