Sexual violence and rape has suddenly taken centerstage on National TV, Social Media, office-lunch discussions, pre-meeting chit-chat, you name it. Not to mention the alarming incidents of child sexual assaults shaking up the entire nation.
There is hoarse crying over the victim blaming- and-shaming culture and that the perpetrators hardly see any consequences. I sat back and wondered what my little girls are hearing or seeing that might shape their reaction towards sexual violence.
This made me think back to what I believed about sex, babies, marriage and men as I was growing up.
Turns out, some of them were downright ridiculous. And all of them were fed by Indian Cinema(Bollywood and Regional Cinema). I decided to pen them down when I saw this beautifully illustrated story #STANDWITHPRIYA which reinforces (sadly) that nothing much has changed from my days.
I grew up in a time where the only Television channel was Doordarshan and the only time we got to watch movies were on Saturday and Sunday evenings.
Cause: Stemmed from watching something where a mentally challenged girl is locked up somewhere and there’s a lot of screaming and scraping shown. And then, her torn clothes. And then, more people calling her stupid.
Effect: I was terrified whenever someone called me stupid. Made me think of myself in torn clothes.
Cause: A lot of movies showed somebody watching the heroine bathing from a keyhole. And then she would cry that she was ‘spoilt’.
Effect: For a long time, I practiced something called the 2-minute bath. Followed by my mom yelling, “ Did you even pour some water on yourself?”
Cause: The movies showed a lot of chest-beating and head-banging when the daughter got raped. Mostly resulting in one of the parents committing suicide.
Effect: Many terrifying attempts at picturing my parents doing the same things. And shutting my eyes tight to go to sleep.
Cause: A ton of movies that showed that the girl’s honour was ‘saved’ after the villain was persuaded to marry her.
Effect: Made me wonder who I can ‘allow’ to rape me.
Cause: One movie ( Starring Amitabh Bachchan) blatantly said, “ Pregnant women can’t be raped”
Effect: Just made the technicalities of rape even more complex. Turns out, it was just male ego speaking. After all, ‘taken’ women can’t be claimed!
Cause: Some movies showed a girl hanging by the branch of a tree. The next morning, the parents are crying(thankfully) but as an afterthought, they are relieved since she was raped.
Effect: I didn’t want to die. So, I didn’t want to get raped.
Cause: Similar reason as # 2. If a guy accidentally saw your leg, you are raped. Which confused me, because sometimes the heroine showed cleavage, but looked happy! Not ruined!
Effect: When my best friend broke the news about Protima Bedi streaking on Juhu Beach in eighth grade, all I could think of was, “ How come she is not crying about getting raped? Is there something else to getting raped?”
Cause: Similar to #7. The movies showed someone undressing in the room/bathroom, getting raped and getting pregnant.
Effect: At the age of 11, I used to check my tummy periodically to be sure nobody had seen me while undressing.
Cause: I watched a movie( which was a super-hit, by the way) showing the heroine( The South-Indian actress, Jaya Sudha) marrying the guy after he raped her. The entire movie is about her struggle to change him into a good man. Of course,now that the girl he raped has become his wife, he is technically a non-rapist.
Effect: Confusion! What if he refuses to change and rapes another girl? Will he have 2 wives?
Cause: I watched a movie in which the Heroine (The South-Indian actress, Suhasini) gets raped by her friend’s brother while waiting in a car. She refuses to accept his apologies and his proposal to ‘right’ his ‘wrong’ by ‘accepting’ her( You see, he is good by heart- just that he was overcome by emotion). This time, the entire movie is about how her family and friends persuade her to reverse her ‘foolish’ decision. Of course, she turns ‘wise’ in the end.
Effect: More confusion! Yikes! How can she let him near her ever again?
And now, for the cherry topping – I believed all this without knowing what rape meant.
I also have to wonder what went on in my male friends’ minds while watching these.
Is it any surprise that our Society still blames the rape victim? Sometimes, I wonder if the increase in rape incidents is a result of such blatant glorifying of the perpetrator. Thankfully, heinous crimes against children are spared from such banality and glorification in the movies. But, women? You need to ‘adjust’.
Our movies are a reflection of our society. But it is also the other way around. Movies have the power to influence minds- and it is not an exaggeration to say that they can shape a generation with their mega influencing powers.
What goes on in your children’s heads is a function of what they are exposed to. Beware!
What did you believe while you were growing up? Let us know in the comments below.
Devishobha is the founder of Kidskintha- an online parenting resource repository dedicated to jumpstarting conversations around millennial parenting, encouraging parents to bring their attention to words, thoughts and actions that will enable them to raise a well-rounded, empathic and motivated generation. You can also find her on the Huffington Post, Parent.co, Entrepreneur, Lifehack, TinyBuddha and many other publications.